When you cannot let it go

For the grudge you know you should drop and cannot.

Forgiveness is not a feeling, and waiting until you feel forgiving is a way of never forgiving at all. It is a decision, renewed as often as necessary — sometimes daily for years. This prayer is for the days when the decision has to be made again.

The Prayer

Lord, You know what was done to me,
and You know I have not let it go.

I do not feel forgiving. I am not sure I want to.
But You have told me to forgive,
and You forgave from a cross,
so I will begin where I am.

I choose, today, to forgive [name].
Not because it did not matter — it did —
but because I cannot carry this and follow You at the same time.

Take the bitterness out of me slowly, if it must be slow.
Heal what was damaged.
And bless them, Lord, which I cannot yet do sincerely,
so teach me to mean it. Amen.

What Forgiveness Is Not

• It is not saying the wrong did not happen or did not matter.
• It is not a feeling of warmth toward the person who hurt you.
• It is not trusting them again — forgiveness is free, trust is earned.
• It is not staying in danger. You may forgive someone and still keep away from them, and where there is abuse you should.

About This Prayer

Christ tied the two together in the one prayer He taught: forgive us as we forgive. St. Augustine noted that we ask for the terms we are offering. If the words stick in your throat at that line of the Our Father, you are at least praying honestly — keep going, and pray this alongside it.